WITH MY GOLF GAME IN SHAMBLES, I promised I'd read "Golf Ching: Golf Guidance and Wisdom from the I Ching," a recent book from Andrew McMeel Publishing, and report back. Well, mission accomplished. Author Terrence MacClure attempts to use the principles of the eastern I Ching and apply them to golf. I offer some of MacClure's principles. Along with my own.

I CHING: Waiting is inevitable. Use this time wisely. Know what kind of waiting is called for. And always find ways to nourish yourself while waiting.
MITCH VING: Find nourishment in your cooler. Call the group ahead of you "slugs." And play through, flashing a Queen of England parade wave.

I CHING: Attend to gathering your hands together in cooperation. Then, everything cooperates. This is no less than gathering and holding yourself.
MITCH VING: Grip and rip.

I CHING: Move carefully. Be cautious in what you say and do. Be gracious. Be generous.
MITCH VING: Only run your cart over your opponent's ball when he's not looking.

I CHING: Accept things as they are. This exudes warmth, growth and nourishment.
MITCH VING: If the ball doesn't go where you want, shake your fist and point out it is "one of those stupid Pinnacles."

I CHING: Frustration is best managed by knowing it is not caused by you but by the inevitable.
MITCH VING: Frustration is best managed by following your shot with a Hulkster swing at the air, kicking your bag and hurling the Great-Big-Over-Priced-Worthless-Bertha onto the next fairway.

I CHING: Share what you have about the game of golf.
MITCH VING: Give your buddy a rubber tee.

I CHING: When you succeed in finding the great part of your game, remember to be modest and generous toward other players
MITCH VING: When you hit a good shot, do the "Macarena," sing "That's the way--uh huh, uh huh--I like it!" and shoot a "loser" sign at your opponent.

I CHING: Enthusiasm comes from having confidence in your game.
MITCH VING: Enthusiasm comes from having your cooler properly stocked.

I CHING: Don't blame yourself or anything for getting into trouble.
MITCH VING: Blame everything and everyone in sight.

I CHING: Notice how this game is always finding an untouched place in you. The game is always finding your untouched spirit of delight.
MITCH VING: Notice how the game takes your spirit, whacks it against a rock and still you continue to play.

I CHING: Nourish yourself and others.
MITCH VING: Chili dogs, chili dogs, chili dogs.

I CHING: Find a way out of your own abyss first: frustration, reckless abandon, anxiety and despair. Then play golf.
MITCH VING: Cut work early.

I CHING: The purpose of an obstruction is to give you pause so you can gather your resources and find a solution.
MITCH VING: The purpose of an obstruction is to mess with your head. Cut it down, pull it out or bend it to one side.