| TUCKED AWAY IN FAR-FLUNG nooks and crannies of the Internet are many strange and offbeat things. The Tao Te Ching is far from offbeat, but below is an offbeat---some might say profane---rendering of this great work someone found out there on the Web and which washed up on our digital doorstep. The translation below is by an author who goes by "Jesse Garon" on the spare website where you'll find the work. We encourage you to visit it and read beyond the initial chapters quoted below with the permission of the author. There are numerous translations of the Tao Te Ching. This one, with its slang and curse words, sounds as if it were drawn from the street or a barstool in a dive joint down by the harbor. Interestingly, the Tao Te Ching seems resilient and adaptive enough to handle this rough play. Ultimately, it's playful--- maybe even useful if it catches the ear of someone who might never have tuned into the original work's huge stock of wisdom, insight and guidance without this irreverent rendering to catch their attention.
Here's what the author says of his effort in an e-mail:
"In late 1994, after having seen 'Reservoir Dogs' one too many
times, 'Jesse Garon' started jotting down notes for an adaptation
of the Tao Te Ching. After putting the first few chapters up on the
web, he continued working on the remainder of the book; unfortunately, that work was lost when his hard drive collapsed. The author has every intention of returning to this work when it is apparent that he should.In the meantime, he is gratified that his fragmentary work has been looked upon so favorably by readers.
'Jesse Garon': the God damnedest mass of tact known to the human race."
The original ancient Chinese work---a classic text of Taoism and heavily imbued with Buddhist spirit--- is one of the essential documents in any library of world spiritual classics. It has offered guidance and inspiration for centuries in meditation, spiritual growth, leadership and even warfare strategy. The work was reputedly written in one night by Lao Tzu (an honorific title that simply means "the Old Master").But both those details are wrong, says Jay Ramsay, in the introduction to a more conventional translation by Ramsay, Man-Ho Kwok and Martin Palmer, released in 1993 by Barnes & Noble Books:
"It was not written by its reputed author, Lao Tzu," writes Ramsay, "and there is some doubt as to whether Lao Tzu himself ever existed. Supposed to have been written in one night, the Tao Te Ching in fact encompasses texts which probably cover a span of time of eight hundred years."
Whoever poured their wisdom into it, this book of Tao and Te---of the Way and the Virtue---rolls on through the ages, offering riches to anyone who looks in upon it. Its Buddhist spirit is evident. And if you want to rile some touchy Taoists and/or Buddhists, you could recount the belief---as author Ramsay reports---by some early Chinese Taoists that reputed author Lao Tzu taught the Buddha his stuff on a trip to India. "In later Taoist traditions, especially after the rise of Buddhism in China during the fourth to sixth centuries AD, Taoists... claimed Lao Tzu taught the Buddha everything he knew," Ramsay writes. "Sadly, said the Taoists, the Buddha never could get it quite right!"
However it came to be, its packed with wise stuff. Below is a rendering of that wisdom you might not have heard put quite this way before. Is it true to the spirit of the original (whatever the original was) or more familiar versions? You be the judge. Reactions are welcome by writing to: hundred@newwave.net
The TAO TE CHING
as translated by Jesse Garon
1
If you can talk about it,
it ain't Tao.
If it's got a name,
it's just another thing.
Tao doesn't have a name.
Names are for ordinary stuff.
Stop wanting stuff. It keeps you from seeing what's real.
When you want stuff, all you see are things.
2
If something's beautiful, something's got to be ugly.
If something's good, something's got to be bad.
You can't have something without nothing.
If no task is difficult, then no task is easy.
Things are up high because other things are down low.
So, the Master gets shit done without moving a muscle
and signifies without saying a word.
When shit happens, he doesn't blink.
When things fall apart, he stays cool.
He doesn't own much, but he's got a lot.
He does his work without expecting any favors.
When the job's finished, he moves on to the next job.
That's why his work is so damn good.
3
If you cut people too much slack,
they're going to come up short.
If you give things too much value,
they're going to get ripped off.
The Master leads
by clearing the crap out of people's heads
and beefing up their hearts.
He lowers their sights
and makes them suck in their guts.
He shows them how to forget what they know and what they wanted.
If you think you've got the answers, he'll mess with your head.
Stop doing stuff all the time,
and watch things happen.
4
You want to know how much Tao there is?
There's more Tao than you'll ever need.
No matter how much you use,
there's more out there.
You can't see Tao, but it's there.
Damned if I know where it came from.
It's just always been around.
5
Tao's neutral:
it doesn't give a shit about good or evil.
The Master's neutral:
he treats everyone the same.
Tao is like a bellows.
Sure, it's empty, but it'll get your fire lit.
If you keep using Tao, it works better.
If you keep talking about it, it won't make any sense.
Keep cool.
6
Everybody has Tao in them.
They just have to use it.
7
Tao never ends and it never stops.
It never ends because it never began.
It never stops because it doesn't want anything,
so it's always ready for anybody to use.
The Master hangs back.
That's why he's ahead of the game.
He doesn't hang on to things.
That's how he manages to keep them.
He doesn't worry about stuff he can't control.
That's why he's got satisfaction.
8
Doing the right thing is like water;
it helps everything without even trying.
You don't care where you are when you're doing the right thing;
and that's how Tao works.
Keep your feet on the ground. Keep your head low.
Stop thinking so much about complicated shit.
If you have to fight, fight fair. Don't fight dirty.
Do what you really want to do.
Be there when people need you.
When you're okay with yourself,
and stop giving a damn what everyone thinks about you,
people will respect you.
9
If you drink too much, you get drunk.
If you tinker with the engine too much, the truck won't start.
If you want too much, you become a tightass.
If you care too much about other people think,
they'll walk all over you.
Do what you have to do, then walk away.
Anything else will drive you nuts.
For more of Jesse Garon's translation of the
Tao Te Ching, you can go the following website:
www.beatrice.com/TAO.html
For comparison's sake, below are some of the first lines from the
Tao Te Ching as translated by Kwok, Palmer and Ramsay
in their 1993 book:
The Tao that can be talked about is not the true Tao.
The name that can be named
is not the eternal Name.
Everything in the universe comes out of Nothing.
Nothing---the nameless
is the beginning;
While Heaven, the mother
is the creatrix of all things.
Follow the nothingess of the Tao,
and you can be like it, not needing anything, seeing the wonder and the root of everything.
And even if you cannot grasp this nothingness,
you can still see something of the Tao in everything.
These two are the same
only called by different names
---and both are mysterious andwonderful.
All mysteries are Tao, and Heaven is their mother:
She is their gateway and the womb-door.
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