Guest Column, page2

Questions now arise: Is it appropriate to go into the world gauging others on the degree to which they are judgmental? Is not the idea to be oblivious to the faults of others and just to be fully authentic yourself?

These are terrific questions which are difficult for me. Helpful are Dogen’s words about the self in his work Shobogenzo:

"To model yourself after the way of the Buddhas is to model yourself after yourself. To model yourself after yourself is to forget yourself. To forget yourself is to be authenticated by all things. To be authenticated by all things is to effect the molting of body-mind, both yours and others’. The distinguishing marks of enlightenment dissolve and [the molting of body-mind] causes the dissolving distinguishing marks of enlightenment to emerge continuously.

“At first, when you seek the truth, you have distanced yourself from its domain. Finally, then the truth is correctly transmitted to you, you are immediately the primordial person.”

One way to read these words is that the work one does on oneself is solitary. But note that the process of coming to be authentic requires awareness of the outside world as well as what is going on with one’s private person. Also, in finding ways to work on yourself, you have to deal with concepts. Eliminating concepts is a result; something that happens at the end of a process.

WE EXIST WITHIN the context of our interchanges with others. If we can experience others non-judgmentally and with compassion, others can instruct us. Since our own ego can be obscured from our view, we can witness the egos of others as a means of instruction. The trick to this path requires that we view others’ exhibitions of ego dispassionately.

To a degree, at least, witnessing the egos of others and being authentic ourself is in conflict. If we fully treat others as if they are a scientific experiment, then -- at best -- we are on a side track in our effort to become Dogen’s primordial person. But a modest excursion into understanding egos generically during a field experiment in the laboratory of our own lives can be something of great value.

What I am suggesting is that it can be valuable to dedicate a day to having an “ego intensive,” similar to my day of being extra attentive to people’s ears. Sartre pointed out in "Transcendence of the Ego," that even when we are self-conscious, the agent of that self-consciousness is not reflected upon. To understand ourself in the circus of our interactive life, we need tools. Other people are our tools. Understanding others allows us to reflectively better understand ourself.

A practice of endeavoring to better understanding others can later be dropped for the pure practice of just being authentic, in the same manner that practicing the violin can be dropped for the pure performance of pieces of music. You use the game playing you observe in others to make you best aware of your own game playing. And then, once you’ve given up your own affinity toward protecting your ego, it is realitively easy to disregard the ego parries of others since you lose a sense of being under attack.

SO HOW CAN YOU best know when someone is having an interesting flare-up of their ego that you can “study?” A common display of defensiveness is the most common occurrence. A good source for understanding game playing [or ego protection] are pop psychology books like "Games People Play" or "I’m OK, You’re OK." Both these books provide many examples of ways humans go to war against those closest to them in an illusory effort to protect themselves or build themselves up.

But anything you observe in your walkabout life where there are disputes, no matter how niggling, are sure to involve ego issues. Even when there is no shading of facts, the buffed-out chest, the unwillingness to back down, the supercharged words, all are manifestations of an ego acting in its own defense.

Other displays of ego occur when one person tries to control the activities of another. Assertiveness is often prized in our society, but usually quick actions of confrontation are displays of ego and not a healthy effort at protecting one’s rights.

A process of observing the egos of others without being judgmental can be a difficult task. We are prone to involve ourself in the dramas of others and chose sides, but if we are guarded and act just as an observer, we can gain a great awareness of the Big Muddy Muddy that people wade through, the passion plays and turmoil, the tempests and traumas that signify nothing.

We can then carry this awareness into our own life with a hope of making our interactions with others more meaningful--and less stressful.

Tom Armstrong lives in San Francisco where he earns his bread as an accountant. He is a rogue Buddhist who is also the webmaster of the currently indisposed Zen Unbound, an ezine about mystical Zen and popular culture. His short story, "I am Retarded," appeared in the September-October issue of the ezine InterText.